


If This Is What It Takes

by AidenRamblesOn



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Breakdown in Public Showers, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, KIND OF I GUESS, M/M, no happy ending, somewhat canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:08:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23135155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AidenRamblesOn/pseuds/AidenRamblesOn
Summary: Jesse has made up his mind. Gabriel can't deal.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Reaper | Gabriel Reyes
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	If This Is What It Takes

The showers are empty by the time the debrief is over. While Gabriel undressed and headed toward warm water, Jesse stalled. Taking extra care in toeing his boots off, gently folding clothes that are dirty and blood-soaked. They would probably end up in the trash anyway, but if it gave him even an illusion of distance-

“McCree, get in here and hose off. You smell like death’s ass.”  
“M’comin’,” he responded, trying to keep the hesitation out of his voice.

He rolled his shoulders, tried to walk normal. Slipped into the half stall next to Gabriel, turned the water on hot enough to distract him from the wave of emotions crashing over him.

_‘Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t you dare fucking cry-‘_ A few tears leaked out, and he scrubbed at his face quickly.  
“Are you crying, Cowboy?”  
“N-no!”  
“Lemme guess. Something in your eye?”  
“Shut up and wash your ass, Reyes.”

His face burned in a way that had nothing to do with the water temperature.

He tried to stall in the shower too, washing twice, three times. An extra rinse just to be sure Gabriel had left the locker room.

At least the water had finally run clear. Around the drain was still muddy with dirt and grime.

But as he walked towards his locker, toweling off his hair, Gabriel was still there. Sitting on a bench near the exit, scrolling through his phone, looking like a cool drink of water on a Summer's day. Jesse cursed himself for his weakness.

"You sure took your sweet time. I'm starving, hurry up."  
"Ah, m'not really hungry."

He could feel the stare boring into the back of his head as he pulled a shirt and a pair of sweats out of his locker.  
"Jesse, you're always hungry. What's wrong?"  
"Nothing, just tired. It's been a long day, ya know? Some of us didn't get to nap in the evac."  
"You're lying, but fine. We'll just go back to my room. I've got some snacks stashed that we can munch on later when you change your mind."

He took a deep breath, willing his body not to wince as he pulled on his clothes. "I think I'm just going to head back to my room, actually."

The footsteps coming up behind him should have been comforting. Usually they were, and the strong arms around his middle were too. Tonight, they felt suffocating.

"Baby, what's wrong? You've been off all week, but this is a new low. Did I do something to upset you?"

He closed his eyes, forced himself to lean back into the warmth behind him. "No, it's not you," he choked out, tears finding his eyes again. "I'm just tired, s'all."

He let the large hands turn him around, breathed in the familiar scent as he was pressed into Gabriel's chest. His own arms responded more by instinct than anything, wrapping around the older man's waist.

"Talk to me, Jesse. Let me help you."  
"I can't. You can't help me this time."  
"Fuck that, I'll do whatever it takes-"  
"I don't want to do this anymore!"

He pushed away, back hitting the lockers. His hands covered his face, covered his shame.

There was a beat of silence before Gabriel's voice drifted to his ears. "Do what anymore?"

Did he sound scared? Did The Gabriel Reyes even feel fear?  
"Blackwatch," he managed in response. "I'm tired and everything is changing and I don't even know who the enemy is anymore! Even you're changing, have been ever since Venice, and I can't take it, Gabriel, I just can't!"

He was aware that he should watch his volume. It was the middle of the night, but still, anyone could hear them. Anyone could walk in after a late-night training session, needing to hose off before bed. Privacy was a rare thing around the base.

Hands pulled at his wrists and he went with the motion, showing his tear-stained face.  
"Jesse... I know this is a tough job, but... I need you out there. I don't mean to change, didn't realize I was... Let's talk this out. Let me make it better."  
"Gabriel--"  
"No, seriously. I'll put in for a few days for the two of us. We can go somewhere private, really hash this out. I... I can't lose you. You're too important."

Jesse searched his eyes for any trace of a lie. He couldn't find one, but he knew that meant nothing. Gabriel was always good at lying. He was the Master of Deceit. And no one knew it better than him, who had watched him twist things time and time again, warping stories and molding the law to fit his goals.

"Can we just go to bed? We'll talk in the morning, I promise. But I really am tired. My head might be clearer by then."  
"We can do that. That sounds like a wonderful idea."

And so Jesse went back to Gabriel's room. Curled up at his side, tucked his head into his shoulder, entwined their legs. Kept his eyes closed and breathing steady until he was sure his lover was asleep, and then for a while longer.

He took care detangling himself. Slow motions, filling his void with pillows. He carried his shoes and padded near silently out of the room. He'd done a lot of crying over the last week, but it apparently wasn't enough, as his face was soaked as he made his way back to his room.

But it was two hours until daylight, and he didn't have time to mope. He had a bag to pack.


End file.
